1. I was watching a marathon of Catfish on MTV and heard this song (I'm a sucker for movie and TV show soundtracks).
2. The lyrics are beautiful and it reminds me that everything is arbitrary.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Why You Need To Love Yourself (The Physical Part) Or How I Lost Weight and Started Feeling Better
I know it's very hard to love yourself, and the things that surround us like pictures of models or the familiar faces and bodies of actors and actresses we admire, make it even harder.
The problem is that those people aren't really like that. Photoshop and make up are miraculous and that's what most people don't realize. They also have access to resources like plastic surgery and personal trainers. They work really hard to look how they look. Take a second and question why you admire those people. All they did was win the genetic lottery or they worked really hard to look a certain way. I personally think that firefighters and scientists are more admirable. I'll take brains over beauty any day.
Believe me, I know it's hard to change your mind about what the term beauty refers to. Personally, it took me a long time to come to terms with who I am physically and to stop having unrealistic expectations about myself. I guess it was understandable to a certain point. Like I said in another post, I used to be bald and puffed up. But I also remember wishing I was blond and blue eyed, which I think is dumb now. I know we all want what we can't have, it's something very human, but we should try and change that. I think we can change a lot of things that are considered human nature.
A couple of years ago (like 5 I think), the doctors found out I was pre-diabetic because I had something called insulin resistance. I won't get into it that much but it makes you hungry and tired and it's almost impossible to lose weight. Since they discovered I had it, the put me on a pill called Metformin which works wonders for your weight, appetite and insulin problem but ruins your stomach. Anyways I lost like 20 pounds or more and I finally started feeling good about myself. The thing is that I didn't lose weight to look good, I lost it to be healthier and it made me happy which was kinda like a pleasant side effect. I never really dieted or anything, the pills did most of the work. I'm currently about 4 pounds from were my doctor wants me to be since I also have a cholesterol problem that is probably hereditary.
Along with losing weight, I decided to try and start taking better care of myself. First, I tried dressing better and finally found a sort of style that I was comfortable with, but it took me a while. I used to try and fit in, but now my philosophy in fashion is that you should take risks because life is too short. If you like it and how it looks on you, wear it! Whatever it is, even if it's a tutu or a pair of metallic sneakers, go for it. Even though I dress differently from most people, I feel good with what I wear and I've had girls I don't even know compliment me about my choice of clothes. For me, fashion is a way of expressing myself and believe me, I cringe at the thought of what I used to wear some years ago. Along with my wardrobe changes I tried using a bit of make up. I've also had cringe worthy moments with that haha and I still kinda suck at it. I use very little make up but it makes me feel better. I really love lipstick. Also, I finally ended up getting a hair cut that suited me. I currently feel pretty OK about myself but it wasn't easy. I don't think I'm a supermodel or anything but I feel good in my own skin, even though there are things that I love and hate about myself.
When it comes to what most of society considers beautiful, I found out a while ago that I have VERY conflicting feelings. I've talked about this several times in various essays and have gone in depth about my thoughts on the subject. I do really believe we all have flaws and we are all perfectly imperfect and beautiful. The media sells us an image of skinny perfect people with tan skin and gorgeous hair and amazing clothes, but we are all too different to even think about aspiring to be that way. The idea they sell is too rigid. It's also incredibly unrealistic sometimes, because all those people are edited in some way or another and if they're not, they just happen to be a different kind of beautiful that we'll never be because we are not them.
There's a feminist named Naomi Wolf who wrote a whole book about Beauty being a Myth. I think it is. Her theory is that the idea of this unattainable beauty that is shoved down our throats is a way to control us. Don't you think it's a possibility? The beauty industry is really powerful. But, that's just a thought.
So, if you want to lose weight or change the color of your hair or your entire wardrobe, DO IT. But, do it because you want to feel better about yourself, not because you want to try and encompass some idea of beauty that has been gnawing at you since forever. If you do that, you'll never be satisfied because you'll never be someone you're not. You ARE beautiful, flaws and all, it just takes time to see it if you haven't already. You are loved by someone somewhere, wherever you are despite the fact that you have large hands or a round face or green hair or freckles, and that is what matters.
The problem is that those people aren't really like that. Photoshop and make up are miraculous and that's what most people don't realize. They also have access to resources like plastic surgery and personal trainers. They work really hard to look how they look. Take a second and question why you admire those people. All they did was win the genetic lottery or they worked really hard to look a certain way. I personally think that firefighters and scientists are more admirable. I'll take brains over beauty any day.
Believe me, I know it's hard to change your mind about what the term beauty refers to. Personally, it took me a long time to come to terms with who I am physically and to stop having unrealistic expectations about myself. I guess it was understandable to a certain point. Like I said in another post, I used to be bald and puffed up. But I also remember wishing I was blond and blue eyed, which I think is dumb now. I know we all want what we can't have, it's something very human, but we should try and change that. I think we can change a lot of things that are considered human nature.
A couple of years ago (like 5 I think), the doctors found out I was pre-diabetic because I had something called insulin resistance. I won't get into it that much but it makes you hungry and tired and it's almost impossible to lose weight. Since they discovered I had it, the put me on a pill called Metformin which works wonders for your weight, appetite and insulin problem but ruins your stomach. Anyways I lost like 20 pounds or more and I finally started feeling good about myself. The thing is that I didn't lose weight to look good, I lost it to be healthier and it made me happy which was kinda like a pleasant side effect. I never really dieted or anything, the pills did most of the work. I'm currently about 4 pounds from were my doctor wants me to be since I also have a cholesterol problem that is probably hereditary.
Along with losing weight, I decided to try and start taking better care of myself. First, I tried dressing better and finally found a sort of style that I was comfortable with, but it took me a while. I used to try and fit in, but now my philosophy in fashion is that you should take risks because life is too short. If you like it and how it looks on you, wear it! Whatever it is, even if it's a tutu or a pair of metallic sneakers, go for it. Even though I dress differently from most people, I feel good with what I wear and I've had girls I don't even know compliment me about my choice of clothes. For me, fashion is a way of expressing myself and believe me, I cringe at the thought of what I used to wear some years ago. Along with my wardrobe changes I tried using a bit of make up. I've also had cringe worthy moments with that haha and I still kinda suck at it. I use very little make up but it makes me feel better. I really love lipstick. Also, I finally ended up getting a hair cut that suited me. I currently feel pretty OK about myself but it wasn't easy. I don't think I'm a supermodel or anything but I feel good in my own skin, even though there are things that I love and hate about myself.
When it comes to what most of society considers beautiful, I found out a while ago that I have VERY conflicting feelings. I've talked about this several times in various essays and have gone in depth about my thoughts on the subject. I do really believe we all have flaws and we are all perfectly imperfect and beautiful. The media sells us an image of skinny perfect people with tan skin and gorgeous hair and amazing clothes, but we are all too different to even think about aspiring to be that way. The idea they sell is too rigid. It's also incredibly unrealistic sometimes, because all those people are edited in some way or another and if they're not, they just happen to be a different kind of beautiful that we'll never be because we are not them.
There's a feminist named Naomi Wolf who wrote a whole book about Beauty being a Myth. I think it is. Her theory is that the idea of this unattainable beauty that is shoved down our throats is a way to control us. Don't you think it's a possibility? The beauty industry is really powerful. But, that's just a thought.
So, if you want to lose weight or change the color of your hair or your entire wardrobe, DO IT. But, do it because you want to feel better about yourself, not because you want to try and encompass some idea of beauty that has been gnawing at you since forever. If you do that, you'll never be satisfied because you'll never be someone you're not. You ARE beautiful, flaws and all, it just takes time to see it if you haven't already. You are loved by someone somewhere, wherever you are despite the fact that you have large hands or a round face or green hair or freckles, and that is what matters.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Book Review: Gut Symmetries-Jeanette Winterson
I've wanted to read this book for years, literally. I'd read a quote from it somewhere and had looked for it and found out it came from this novel. I thought about ordering it because it wasn't available as an e-book (even books are expensive to order), but lo and behold it became available a little bit ago! I decided to download it even though it was a bit pricey, but my God was it worth it. I fell in love with this book, I really did.
Ok, so it reminded a lot of Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being, but that might have just been me. I have no idea which came first anyways, but I think it was The Unbearable Lightness of Being which is one of my favorite books too.
The novel is basically about a love triangle that takes place when a young woman named Alice has an affair with a married man and then ends up falling in love with his wife as well. Gut Symmetries has a lot of unexpected twists which I loved, and also it is really really well written. It isn't easy reading at all and there's a lot of explanations about physics. It was amazing.
Go read this if you like physics and love and contemporary fiction.
Notable Quotes:
"What is it that you contain? The Dead. Time.
Light patterns of millennia. The expanding universe
opening in your gut. Are you twenty-three feet of intestines
loaded with stars?
"We are what we know. We know what we are. We reflect
our reality. Our reality reflects us. What would happen if the image smashed the glass?"
"The probability of separate worlds meeting is very small.
The lure of it is immense. We send starships. We fall in love"
"Is truth what we do not know?"
"Stella turned towards me and crumpled my heart in her hand.
'Do you fall in love often?'
Yes often. With a view, with a book, with a dog, a cat, with
numbers, with friends, with complete strangers, with nothing at all."
Social Anxiety and Why It Sucks
Social anxiety is something I've had to live with it for a long long time. I think mine has just gotten worse over the years and I'd pin the beginning of it's presence in my life somewhere around the third grade. Before that, I was actually pretty outgoing and then everything just started to embarrass me and I didn't want to be noticed anymore.
Mine is so bad that sometimes I don't even want to talk to people I like. I try to hide and avoid situations where I have to socialize. I tell myself that I like being alone, but sometimes I do feel lonely and it's not the best feeling in the world. I blame all this on social anxiety, I used to call it awkwardness but even though I AM painfully awkward (haha) I don't believe it's just that.
I controlled my anxiety for a while, but I've been unsuccessful about it lately. I'm really bad at speaking in a roomful of people. I've never liked crowded indoor places like malls at Christmas, or sitting next to strangers (I actually get scared that they might try and talk to me. Is that normal?). My first year of college I made an effort to talk to people in my classes and it worked! But then I started withdrawing and I decided I didn't want any new friends, so I put on my "I'm annoyed" face and tried not to get close to anybody. That also worked. I also tend not to have as good a time at parties as most people and sometimes because I'm so anxious and shy, people tend to read me as stuck up and uninterested, which I'm really not.
So, social anxiety sucks because you try to convince yourself that you don't need/want anybody in your life and that you don't want/need social interactions with other human beings, but the truth is that you do. Human beings are social by nature, and honestly having friends makes life better. There are probably other reasons why you don't really want to have friends anymore, like the fact that people have let you down before, but you can't live your life stuck in the past and not everyone is the same. So if you're like me, I think we should try and talk to new people and try to go out and party and actually have fun like most people our age, despite our totally justified social fears.
Mine is so bad that sometimes I don't even want to talk to people I like. I try to hide and avoid situations where I have to socialize. I tell myself that I like being alone, but sometimes I do feel lonely and it's not the best feeling in the world. I blame all this on social anxiety, I used to call it awkwardness but even though I AM painfully awkward (haha) I don't believe it's just that.
I controlled my anxiety for a while, but I've been unsuccessful about it lately. I'm really bad at speaking in a roomful of people. I've never liked crowded indoor places like malls at Christmas, or sitting next to strangers (I actually get scared that they might try and talk to me. Is that normal?). My first year of college I made an effort to talk to people in my classes and it worked! But then I started withdrawing and I decided I didn't want any new friends, so I put on my "I'm annoyed" face and tried not to get close to anybody. That also worked. I also tend not to have as good a time at parties as most people and sometimes because I'm so anxious and shy, people tend to read me as stuck up and uninterested, which I'm really not.
So, social anxiety sucks because you try to convince yourself that you don't need/want anybody in your life and that you don't want/need social interactions with other human beings, but the truth is that you do. Human beings are social by nature, and honestly having friends makes life better. There are probably other reasons why you don't really want to have friends anymore, like the fact that people have let you down before, but you can't live your life stuck in the past and not everyone is the same. So if you're like me, I think we should try and talk to new people and try to go out and party and actually have fun like most people our age, despite our totally justified social fears.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Song of the Week: San Francisco-The Mowgli's
This song is my song of the week because:
1.I have been playing it obsessively over and over again
since I heard it on the radio.
2. It makes me happy.
3. The music video made me smile.
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